That's some Fancy Ass Food!

26 November 2013

We're so over Quality Streets. This year you can go all out with some super indulgent foods that will blow your mind. And most certainly your wallet...

These oh so fine produce makes the point that food and excess go hand in hand. So if you’re looking to expand your horizons into the world of culinary extravaganza, why not start with the items on the list below.

Undoubtedly, they'll make your Christmas extra indulgent.

1.  The Ham

This is no ordinary piece of meat; this is an aged Iberico ham from Mexico that is guaranteed to add a little je ne sais quoi to your Christmas dining. Not only is this the highest quality of pork money can buy, but you get a whole leg of pork to endlessly feast your way through. Phew! Pop that on your Christmas table and your guests will be well impressed. You can't put a price on excellent hosting!

An absolute Bargain at £975

2.The Caviar

It’s Christmas, so pass me the caviar darling! This Beluga Caviar can be brought at Harrods and is perfect for any swanky drinks reception. Simply place a dollop of this on smoked salmon and cream cheese and you’ll be laughing… all the way to the broke train that is.

It’s an Investment at £650 per 100g tin

3.The Goody Bag of Goody Bags

If you’re looking for a bitching hamper this Christmas, look no further, this South African Vivant Bachuss hamper is just the one. It has some of the most extravagant wines and goodies imaginable and if you’re into your Piccalilli then you’re in for a treat because they have some very saucy condiments. Not only that, it also has a fabulous selection of fizz including Cristal and a £15,000 bottle of Romanée Conti 1970 to name a few.

This goody bag will set you back a mere £45,000. Let’s opt for 2 shall we!?

4. The Mince Pie

Admittedly, I nearly choked on my coffee when hearing about this one – £3,000 for a (ONE) mince pie!? Two of the ingredients: holy water from Lourdes and ambergris sugar derived from sperm whale secretions… WHAT!? It also includes a solid platinum coin. As any good pie would, obviously. Pretty much sounds like a health hazard to me – at least I choked in style? This little treat was raffled off and won by a lucky (?) six year old a couple of years ago, but apparently, it will be recreated for willing buyers.

It's only a phone call and a Reasonable £3,000 away.

Okay, okay, we’re not actually going to be gorging on this fancy nosh, we'll just daydream about it a little *sigh*. But Christmas can still be indulgent without splashing that kinda cash. Take this ‘Noella’ Christmas oyster for example; which can be brought at Gow’s Restaurant. Quite literally Christmas in a slurp; a seafood treat that's as Christmassy as seafood gets (well, not if you're Scandinavian...)

If you want to serve up these fancy little oysters at home and really impress your guests without breaking the bank here’s how to make them:

The Noella oyster

6 clean shucked Oysters

1 Rennet Apple

1oz caster sugar

Zest and juice of lemon

2oz salted butter

1/2 tsp of cinnamon

1 star anise

1 clove

Chilli jam:

2 spoons of cranberry sauce

Half a red chilli finely chopped

1 shallot finely chopped


  1. Peel and dice the apple and place in a saucepan with the butter, sugar and a pinch of cinnamon. Cook until the apple has turned into purée.
  2. For the jam, boil everything together then allow to cool and refrigerate.
  3. To assemble the dish, spoon a little bit of apple purée into each oyster shell, place an oyster on the top and bake in the oven until hot.
  4. While heating foam your butter with the star anise, clove and the rest of the cinnamon. Add the lemon zest and juice.
  5. Take the oysters out of the oven and place in the serving dish. Spoon over the foaming butter and serve with the chilli jam on the side.

Ellen Modin

Ellen Modin