Can we all agree that "why are you still single?" is the single most offensive thing you can ask someone single. I guess people are just trying to be nice, it is a compliment after all.
The reason why I say it’s offensive is because it is a question. And a question implies that there is an answer. That’s the puzzling bit.
My answer to the question ‘why are you still single?’ varies according to the mood I’m in. I am likely to give a different answer each time someone asks. Below is a list of 69 reasons why someone *might* be single, each of which at one point in my life has been true (yes, including number 41… It is what it is, I guess).
69 totally legit reasons you are single:
1. Because you’re holding out for someone with the swagger of an international arms dealer and the genius of an astrophysicist and the looks of Brad Pitt.
2. Because you let your past affect your future.
3. Because just when you thought you had it all figured out, 50 Shades of Grey was published.
4. Because you’re attracted to those you cannot have, and chased by those you do not want.
5. Because you don’t know what you want.
6. Because chances are you are asleep.
7. Because you’re secretly head over heels in love with someone who’s already taken.
8. Because Bonnie Tyler’s ‘Holding Out For a Hero’ is a way of live and you *actually* toss and turn and believe that he’s gotta be larger than life.
9. Because you compare all men to someone else.
10. Because you compare yourself too much to others.
11. Because you have not found a man that would love you as much as your dog does.
12. Because you were really, really in love once, so you know the feeling and won’t settle for less.
13. Because you hate the thought of giving up your freedom.
14. Because you don’t like the idea of not having both sides of the bed.
15. Because you’d rather spend a Friday night watching The Hills than be in a bar meeting potentials.
16. Because you don’t want to disturb the order and neatness that you've worked so hard to maintain.
17. Because you’re waaaay too busy.
18. Because you value your independence.
19. Because you need to figure yourself out.
20. Because back in 1994 when you were like 10 and highly perceptible, Bon Jovi taught you that *someone* will be there forever and a day, till the stars don’t shine, till the heaven burst and the words don’t rhyme...
21. Because relationships are too stressful and you're stressed enough as it is.
22. Because you like to do whatever you want whenever you want.
23. Because deciding what wine to get is difficult enough, let alone a significant other.
24. Because you’re waiting for someone to change your life, not your relationship status.
25. Because you live in London.
26. Because you never imagined you’d be single at this age.
27. Because you’re stressing.
28. Because your text messaging skills suck.
29. Because you don’t believe in soul-mates.
30. Because you DO believe in soul-mates.
31. Because that one time you were brave, it wasn't reciprocated.
32. Because you’re so subtle with your true feelings around the person you like that they have no idea. No idea.
33. Because you want a whirlwind romance.
34. Because you want a movie romance.
35. Because you hate romance.
36. Because although the thought of a white horse makes you cringe, that’s actually what you want.
37. Because the love of your life may be stuck in a tree somewhere.
38. Because it’s not the right time.
39. Because it IS the right time and you want it all the more.
40. Because you find a lot of faults in perfectly perfect guys.
41. Because you’d say ‘fries before guys’ and actually mean it.
42. Because you’re a dreamer who've dreamed up the perfect guy.
43. Because you've had your heart broken.
44. Because you say the wrong things when you’re drunk and don’t have the guts to say the right things when you’re sober.
45. Because you’re shy.
46. Because you think you can’t get that really, really hot guy.
47. Because movies taught you that true love come in the shape of Jack Dawson and Noah Calhoun.
48. Because you like the bad boys.
49. Because you’re in a well functioning relationship with your career.
50. Because of Bradley Cooper.
50 b. Because of Ryan Gosling.
51. Because you love Ben & Jerry’s more than you’d ever love any Ben or Jerry.
52. Because you believe in Disney fairy tales.
53. Because you’re lazy.
54. Because you’d say you’d internet date, but actually, you don’t. You’d just swipe tinder every now and again.
55. Because you’re not that brave. That person you like, you don’t tell them.
56. Because you’re too scared of rejection.
57. Because you have been single for a long time, so why would you settle for anything less than extraordinary?
58. Because part of you, actually, don’t want to settle.
59. Because you’re a little scared.
60. Because you’re a little scarred.
61. Because you have better things to do.
62. Because you look for a ‘type’.
63. Because you apply the ‘tick-box approach’.
64. Because you're not with stupid anymore.
65. Because you put too much pressure on the first date.
66. Because you put waaaay to much pressure on the third date.
67. Because you analyse why you’re single too much.
68. Or maybe, just maybe, you’re just pretty comfortable being on our own.
69. Your uggs. Honestly, if none of the above, it’s probably your Uggs.