Never Say To A Bartender

27 August 2014

Have you ever stood in a noisy, crowded bar and asked yourself, "What's a guy got to do to get a drink around here?" Well, there are Do’s and Don’ts friends.

We work with a number of bartenders and, as you can imagine we hear an awful lot of things that people say. We have selected a few of our favourites, take it from us these are things you should never say to your bartender if you want to actually get your drink.

1. So this is just part-time? 

Apparently bartenders do not like it if you in any way insinuate that their job is not a proper job, the job that they would have chosen for themselves or a proper career path. You heard it here first. 

2. Diet tonic water please.

We have been informed that the diet thing gets people really angry – OK.

3. So bartenders get a lot of action huh.

The national association of bartenders requests that you do not imply any promiscuity is a part of the job.

4. Hey (snap’s fingers or whistles).

Thou shalt not treat your bartender like a dog.

5. Can you divide this into six?

This is very upsetting.

6. Hook me up.

The national association of bartenders requests that you do not refer to your bartender as a drug dealer of any sort.

7. Are the ingredients fresh?

Assume that a plastic bottle of ‘fruit’ is not fresh and that your bartender did not select for that to be the case.

8. Can you do any bar tricks?

Not a zoo animal!

9. Your outfit is terrible.

Chances are it was not selected by your bartender.

10. Just one second.

It has been reported that when this is said it is rarely just one second, in fact it can run into the hours, so we have heard.

11. Make it extra strong.

Want extra strong? Then you will have to pay for it. We risk loosing our jobs by 'adding a bit of extra'.

12. I know the owner or 'Don't you know who I am!?!'

All the more reason not to give you anything for free!

13. Can I have a hot drink? (at 2am)

Uumm, ok, any pastries to go with that?

Plus, the thing not to do: String ordering. 

It has gotta be one of the worst things a busy barman can encounter. Ok, so you've been waiting for X minutes to order your drink, so why on earth do you order 56 drinks separately… 'Can I have 2 double vodkas please, u pour drink, sorry can I get another vodka, you pour drink, 3 more vodkas and a Guinness, you pour drinks oh and can I get another vodka…'

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