The 12 Stages of binge watching

13 August 2014

We’ve all been there. Racing through episodes on Netflix faster than you can press the remote. Waking up at 5am in front of the TV only to realise you were actually dreaming about the characters.

At that stage, it’s time to take a shower, eat some vegetables and get some fresh air outside of your living room. Then ask yourself how you got there. This is the journey of a 'binge watcher'... Recognise yourself much?

1) You’ve never been bothered before but all of a sudden everyone is talking about a show and you are REALLY interested

You have heard everyone talk about Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones or Homeland. Obviously you want in on the action. If for no other reason, so that you can look cool on twitter.

2) You start out watching ONE episode and suddenly nail 5 of them before you can blink

*declines call from boyfriend and presses next episode*

3) Day 2: Season 2

...and there goes your social life. Smell starting to set in. Housemate is definitely talking about you on the phone in his room using phrases like 'declining social invites' and 'hide the Jaffa cakes'.

4) Talking about the show at work. All day. Every day.

Your colleagues are definitely getting irritated. It’s only a matter of time before you start taking long toilet breaks and having a quick 5 min hit on the loo.

5) Can’t even make dinner without playing the show on your iPad

*pours washing Lenor fabric softener in cup of tea never taking an eye of the screen*

6) Staying up all night watching it despite having an early start

It’s fine, I like the sound of Frank Underwood’s sinister voice in House of Cards actually. I AM HAPPY WITH GOING TO BED WITH HIM.

7) Copying episodes to your iPhone so you can watch on the tube

To be fair this does make the central line more tolerable. OH NO I AM THINKING LIKE THEM!

8) Getting close to the final

The idea that it will all end soon is too overwhelming so you consume yourself further with the show.

9) The final episode

'I haven’t felt this emotionally connected to TV since the Olympics' – a phrase I have genuinely uttered.

10) Mourning the characters

They have to do another series, they simply can’t not. OR WHAT ABOUT A MOVIE! And when are they bringing the Friends movie out? I should post about it on Twitter so they pick this idea up! All Denial.

11) Trying to re-join society but feeling pretty lost

What is this sunshine people talk about? Why do I have to wear clothes?

12) The cycle starts again

Re-joining the gym will just have to wait – I’ve got a date with Netflix!

Sam Chedzoy

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