Major Christmas Party Avoids

4 December 2014

It’s exceptionally easy to get carried away at this time of the year. We have all worked hard, a well-deserved break is finally in sight and before you know it the alcohol is flowing at you from all directions and... are making a fool of yourself at the Christmas party. Here re my top Christmas Party avoids to ensure you still have a job come Jan... You're welcome.

1. Photocopying body parts in the darkness of the office. Especially that part.

We guarantee you’ll be feeling the sting of regret when your derrière is still pinned to the wall a year later.

2. Channeling your inner Mean Girl and whacking out the Jingle Bell Rock routine.

It’s all fun and games until you take the recreation too far and gleefully boot the CD player into your boss’ face.

3. Tearing up the dance floor too enthusiastically

Age has hit us all and pulling something and then limping off the floor is never a good look.

4. Chatting shop, endlessly

Likelihood is everybody else is under exactly the same amount of pressure as you, and won’t appreciate a lengthy rendition of how your responsibilities outweigh theirs.

5. Taking the open bar as a personal challenge

Just because you’re sure you could drink everybody under the table, doesn’t mean you should.

6. Or the buffet

Those irritatingly bite size pigs in blankets are always tempting, but return to the buffet for a third helping or more and you’ll give yourself a bad name.

7. Turn the party into gossip central

Just because you heard from Judy in HR that Kevin in IT was caught doing something unmentionable with both interns at the same time doesn’t mean you have to spread your new found knowledge. Firstly, Judy may be mistaken or unhinged, and secondly, it just makes you look untrustworthy.

8. Dress inappropriately

It may have worked out for Bridget Jones in the end, but turn up to a party leaving nothing to the imagination will only leave you red-faced the next day.

9. Join the karaoke hall of shame

Your colleagues won’t care if you did it your way, and they certainly will not always love you.

10. Overshare

You wouldn’t voice your opinions about the CEO’s man boobs at any other time of the year, why start now?

11. Arrive fashionably late

It doesn’t make you look cool; it just makes you look disorganised and worse still, may delay proceedings.

12. Get it on with a colleague

The ultimate taboo. Geeky Tim might look like Adonis through the beer goggles and romantic fairy lighting, but your walk into the office the next day will only be met with sniggers and Tim’s horrendous horn rimmed specs lasciviously peering over his cubicle wall.

13. Get it on with the barman

Don’t do it desperado – at least not with the whole office watching.

14. Get it on with anyone

It can’t end well or leave you in a good light.

15. Pull a sickie the next day

"I’m not going to be able to make it today I’m afraid. You know how you witnessed me vomiting into that ficus plant at 4am this morning? Entirely coincidentally this morning I’ve come down with the flu."

16. Grind on your boss

It has happened to the best of us but as soon as you realise that you are rubbing up against a ‘superior’ step away.

17. Chunder

Sprawled on the loo floor covered in buffet with your face smeared? Let's not.

18. Do gymnastics

No seriously, why is it that people just have to show you how ‘limber’ they are at the office Christmas party. Jesus Christ no one needed to see that shit.

19. Bash the Bash

You may or may not know it but as you loudly defame the party and all of its festive glory the organiser is likely at your elbow.

20. Play favourites

Don’t get cliquey, no one enjoys you when you do. Sorry, accounting only over here.

Ellen Modin

Ellen Modin

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