You Know You're A Londoner When...

8 July 2014

It is a *very* controversial question, isn't it: how long do you have to live in London to call yourself a Londoner? Some claim it's only after living here for generations. Well, I beg to differ.

The cultural diversity in London means that there are very few 100% Londoners to be found (honestly, how often do you meet them?) so much as inherited inhabitants from all across the globe.

Whether your great-great-great-grandparents lived here or whether you've been kicking about for 1, 10 or 100 years, there are several ways to determine whether or not you have become a Londoner…

1. You walk like a Duracell bunny on speed

Nothing separates the country folks from the City crew quite like the walking pace along a packed street. ‘Get out of the way, have you not heard of bobbing or weaving!? Jesus Christ they’re a foreigner from Hull!’

2. The words 'Tube', 'Metro', 'Subway' & 'Underground' mean very different things

Metro = what you read. Subway = where you eat after a night out. Underground = where your favourite bars are hidden. Means of transportation = only ever the TUBE.

3. You have an irrational hatred towards TFL

Wait, it’s not irrational. As you were.

4. Yet, you don't like ‘outsiders’ complaining about London tube system. Only you can. 

I can complain. People visiting from Manchester can not.

5. You get political with the cabbie

It is the true trait of the Londoner, somehow every conversation you have with a cab driver is about TFL or Uber or UKIP. 

6. You don't need the country-side. Because you have Hyde Park.

Oh how lovely to be one with nature.

7. You love the London 'air'

What pollution? I can totally breathe here.

8. You think a room the size of a box for £1000/month is reasonable

As if you'd trade your box for a mansion in the country side. Pfft.

9. Eye contact kinda freaks you out

Why oh why are you looking at me? What did I do? How did I offend you?

10. You’re also suspicious of acts of kindness

They obviously want something from you. Why would they be kind otherwise? Exactly.

11. You start your nights out ridiculously late (early?)

Night started at 1am? Yeah, sounds about right.

12. You eat out or order in 7 nights a week.

London fridges are made to keep clothes and vodka, no?

13. You eat dinner at 10pm, lunch at 4pm and breakfast sometime before either

What can I say?

14. Anything outside of zone 4 is theoretical to you

Why is it so far away? Who lives there and what do they do?

15. Sirens used to make you stop & look. You no longer notice them.

I even find it has a calming effect.

16. You think the sound of silence is weird

Why can I hear myself thinking and when will it stop?

17. You aren’t lost

The day comes that you are in Covent Garden and you were able to find your way from Soho House to Wahaca to Snog to the Hippodrome. Good times.

18. You’ve stopped noticing the landmarks

Oh look they cry, Big Ben, uhuh.

19. A LOT of things aggravates you

Why is the service so slow? Why is the tube so late? Why do people smell? Why is it always Monday? You are officially a member of the happiest race on earth, Londoners.

20. You have an abnormal hatred for cyclists

I'm sorry, BUT... Are you a car? Then get in the road. Are you a person? Then use your legs.

21. You can no longer stand the heat

You used to love it, right? Breezy summer days. Now you love it for a day, then you're totally over it. It’s because nowhere has air con in this town, someone do something.

22. You think this is a garden:

23. Hell, you even think this is a garden:

So, did you tick most of these off? Yes? Then welcome to the greatest club in the world!!

Ellen Modin

Ellen Modin

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