Every Office Has One...

5 June 2014

Your workplace is bound to have an eclectic mix of different personalities. You move to an office and the sandbox politics are pretty much still intact, you have…

Gertie the Gossip

How do they know so much? Do they keep secrets in their hair? Do they bug offices and loiter in stairwells to get all of the juicy details?

Larry the Lazy

Every office has one. Somehow this particular individual manages to get away with doing nothing and expertly bullshits their way through meetings with nothing but a wing and a prayer.

Carl the Casanova

You know exactly who we are talking about, he flirts with everything that moves including the office plants. He sucks face with the whole of accounting at Christmas. And he insists on perching at the corner of your desk gassing you with cologne.

Cathy the Chatty

No I don’t want to hear you talk at 900mph about your cat, I want you to go away. Unfortunately this person, who mostly means well, often turns up when you are seriously up against it and you end up snapping just to be left alone which you later regret. Oh life.

Perfect Pete

What a bore. We don’t care about your perfect sales record or that you valet the bosses car. We would rather you smacked into one of the kitchen cupboards whilst looking for your sweet and low.

Jimmy the Joker


He lightens the mood EVERY DAY. He brings a fresh one-liner EVERY DAY. And when we're not laughing with him, we're laugh at him, and he's tots ok with that. Where would we be without Jimmy? Probably in a very dark & boring place.

Sally the Snitch

She watches your every move, waiting for that little mistake of yours, then.... PAOW!!! This one is also an expert at playing people off against each other.

Simon the Slob

Their desk is simply disgusting. They will leave the coffee station a mess. They insist on microwaving the most rank smelling food only to then leave it out for the rest of the day. 'YOUR MOTHER DOESN’T WORK HERE DUDE!’

Shane the Swagger

His hair is so perfect it has got its own Instagram account. His computer is actually switched off most of the time, he's just smiling at his own reflection. Every girl in the office is just another notch on Shane's belt.

Patricia the Power Bitch

She thinks everything she does is better. She has NO problem stepping on other people's toes or make her coworkers' lives hellish. In fact, she's more like a stamper who wears her teams balls around her neck on her unstoppable quest for unmerited power...

Sally the Sweetheart

She is the one always organises the birthday card and goes the extra mile to make a leaving do super special. She's like a mother, friend, psychologist and relationship adviser all in one. So when you're upset, Sally the sweetheart will offer a shoulder to cry on.

Have I missed anyone out? Then share them!

Ellen Modin

Ellen Modin

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