I was born in the eighties, a child of the nineties, a teen in the naughties and now an adult in the tens. It’s fair to say I’ve seen some interesting fashion over the past years!
Here are the top ten that have burned a memory in mind and that I wish I could forget. Now, if only I could destroy the evidence of my mum’s photos too…
1. The Shell Suit
Not only was this a fashion faux pas, it was also a fire hazard! The bright sickly colours would make your eyes melt and the constant rustling of your thighs as the trousers swished past each other is a huge no no. Let’s hope it’s one that is never ever revisited.
2. Leggings as trousers
Under a baggy T, I get it, with a crop top, not so much – especially if you’ve only splashed out on a Primark pair of leggings that are as thread bare as your childhood teddy. DO NO BEND OVER in these, unless you want the whole world to know you’re wearing your care bear pants today…
3. VPL/Camel Toe
Ladies you should always leave something to the imagination. I know you want to show off that figure of yours but make sure whatever you wear fits and isn’t exposing a little too much. You can also buy amazing underwear that nips, tucks, sucks and pushes all the right parts to make sure that even if you have put on a pound or two on your holidays your fave clothes still fit. There is no excuse for a bad VPL or a camel toe on show!
4. Too much bling
Everyone loves a little sparkle; diamonds are a girl’s best friend after all. But too much bling ain’t the right thing. There is such a thing as overkill, and subtlety is sometimes best when it comes to all things shiny.
5. Bums or boobs – never both
Ladies if you’ve got it flaunt it, but have some modesty; rule of thumb is boobs or bum – never both! You are not in the cast of Geordie shore, let’s keep it classy eh.
6. Jazzy tights
I love some of the vintage looks, the block colours and the amazing prints and patterns, but I just hate the tights. Some of these jazzy tights are just garish. Nude or black – keep it simple.
7. Underwear as outerwear
Madonna rocked the cone bra – granted – but that was a stage performance. Going to the bar on a Saturday night in your best lingerie is just a NO! Plus I don't get it. Do you still wear a bra under your bra top, or are you essentially just strutting about in your M&S finest?
8. Too high heels
They might look good in the shop but after 5 minutes you’ve lost a toe from the crippling pain and all of a sudden you’re one of those girls that has to walk barefoot through the grimy city streets at midnight. God only knows what you will have stepped in! Not to mention you can’t walk in them anyways and spend your night waddling from seat to seat…
9. Hair accessories
Butterfly clips, remember them? You’d get home from a night out take them out and go to lie down to find you’d missed one and it was now impaled in your scalp? Headbands with ears: you’re not Minnie mouse! The scrunchie: it has recently come back with a vengeance BUT anything covered in velour should stay in the eighties where they belong.
10. One for the men
What is this!! Seriously, what is it? I thought the budgie smuggler was offensive, but the ‘c-string’ is taking it to the extreme, men you are not exempt from fashion faux pas in any way, leave something to the imagination. Please? My……. eyes……. hurt…….