World Cup Etiquette

19 June 2014

Now fellas we do understand that the World Cup is a very exciting time for y’all, all those boys running around in short shorts chasing a ball, we can really see why you love it so much. But, please, keep your balls in play...

Whilst we don’t mind it, that much, there are some things that come with it that we simply cannot stand and so we felt compelled to come up with some strict World Cup Bar Etiquette rules so that you don’t end up doing ball retrieval of a different kind.

1. Hands Off

As I am certain you are aware, football is not a contact sport and there are strict penalties around violating this. Well, neither is drinking in a bar and we also have strict penalties. A word to the wise, just because you have had as many beers as goals have been scored we still aren’t interested.

2. It Should Not Rain Indoors

So here in the UK we're pretty used to the odd shower, on an hourly basis, and thus a little weather doesn’t usually put us off having a good time. That said, if it starts raining beer we are going to flash you the yellow card. Whatever the obsession with raining frothy hops all over unsuspecting bystanders is we are not amused, nope and insist that it stops.

3. Did You Seriously Shout That

I really don’t care who you are, where you are from or what your story is – if you are going to behave like a hooligan and shout any number of loaded profanities at the screen and thus any individual in a 50 mile radius then you are most certainly benched. There is nothing less attractive than some buffoon getting a little over excited and spewing hatred, don’t make us call your mothers boys.

4. Yes You May Buy Me A Drink, No You May Not Breath On Me

It's a glorious thing, and it's called a tic tac. Use it, embrace it, because I can promise you no woman, not a single one, NO ONE, likes a beer breath!

5. Keep Your Balls To Yourself

Why, oh why is it necessary for you to bring the implement of sport with you to the nearest bar as though clutching it throughout somehow brings you closer to the beautiful game and your heroes. Do you know what happens with errant balls as the crowd gets drunker and the team you so adoringly support less and less successful? I’ll tell you what – injuries, everywhere, injuries. If you want to avoid injury time gentleman, keep your balls in their pouch.

Louise Henderson