How to upset a Londoner

27 May 2014

Londoners can, at times, be fickle creatures. Whether we’re getting irritated with people walking SO DAMN SLOW in front of us or complaining about whatever the weather, we’re a hard bunch to please. But what gets our blood boiling?

Quite a lot actually and we’ve listed [some] of the ways to piss off a Londoner on a regular basis. *Note* whilst reading this list, do not dare speak to anybody or make eye contact on the underground. It’s guaranteed to wind up the average grumpy Londoner.

1) People standing on the left hand side of the escalator

Oh no they didn’t! There’s only one feasible explanation for this... they’re foreign.

2) Oxford Street on a Saturday

Hell hath no fury than a Londoner having to make the pilgrimage to Oxford Street aka Hell on a Saturday. Just no.

3) Getting stuck in the tube tunnel

Really Northern line? Must we stop in the tunnel whilst we wait for a tube ahead to depart the station? Any sort of delay, at any time using public transport, is just unacceptable. Even a minute IS highly infuriating.

4) People not having their oyster at the ready

Every Londoner will scream on the inside: ‘ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?’ Get it out beforehand.

5) People who walk SO slowly

Yes, please continue at such gracious speed. We have aaaaall day.

6) Tube strikes

The two words which strike fear into the heart of every Londoner.

7) Your Oyster card not letting you through the barrier...

You're sure loaded it up this morning, so WHY & HOW & WHY is it not working!? ‘Uh, excuse me but could you let me through please.’

8) Cyclists

Whoa slow down there buddy. I don’t really fancy being flattened due to your innate inability to control your speed.

9) The Rain

Ironic, maybe, but oh how we hate it. Especially when the skies open from absolutely nowhere and you get torrentially soaked leaving water in your shoes and bag and laptop. Thank you England, just thank you.

10) The Heat

I feel like we did mention the fickleness, right? Oh yes, we may love it when the sun comes out but give it five minutes and you will always find someone complaining about how hot it is and how unbearable London is in the heat. We have absolutely no sympathy for this one (yet!), we love the heat and wish that it was furiously hot at all times, the answer to the moaning – air con! And cocktails.

Bonus: People who say that New York is better than London

Londoners may get irrationally upset about things, but, we LOVE our City. So when people say that New York (or any other place for that matter) would in any way, shape or form be better than London... well, that is a SURE WAY to upset a Londoner!

Ellen Modin

Ellen Modin