There are certain things that one should NOT do on a night out. Such as 'minesweeping' or picking up after you've had one too many...
1. Don't pick up after too many sips
You know that absolute babe station that you took home last night? Sadly, you don't. We all know the sayings about beer goggles and rosé tinted glasses but in reality they are legendary for a reason. It happens so easily, a few drinks slip down and become nine... Flash forward to that advert worthy morning and you know how this one ends ladies and gentleman. The lesson here; if you are going to mack pick from the right pack.
2. Don't under-do or over-do fancy dress
Frankly there is nothing more aggravating than someone who is too cool to embrace the fancy dress code. Life is too short! Go hard. But don't over-do it. Yes, you got it nailed, you are dressed as Michael Jackson and you can moonwalk! But that does not give you the excuse to run around screaming THRILLER at every poor person in the vicinity.
3. Don't be rude
There is nothing cute, smart or funny about being rude to those that are there to help you. Whilst we know that doormen can seem unfair that does not mean that the bartender should endure your snidy comments because the bar is busy. Leaning across the bar waving money at bar staff is going to make them ignore you. We call it 'Bar Karma'.
4. Don't have it out with your boyfriend/girlfriend/ex/friend/ex-friend/frenemy
Don't let your night be ruined by booze-fuelled fighting. Most likely, it's neither the time nor the place.
5. Don't decline a shot of Sambuca because you had a 'nasty experience as a student'
If someone buys you a shot then you should accept it, grab life by the horns and feel the burn.
6. Don't spend all night on your phone
If you came out to spend the entire night socialising with your phone we have to question your motivations for coming out at all. Get off your phone, get off Facebook/Twitter/Instagram, bozo.
7. Don't be too persistent
If that guy/girl is ignoring you then there is probably a reason. Either they have a significant other or they think you are really weird.
8. Don't go minesweeping
'Minesweeping' is the act (usually performed by someone under the age of 19) in which one runs around a bar, picks up unattended drinks and finishes off the dregs. Hello cold-sores. Goodbye dignity.
9. Don't be self-conscious about your moves
You are never too old to just break it down so don’t be afraid to go for it and let loose. If you are getting judgmental looks it’s because they are super jel of how much fun you are having whilst they are too uptight to jiggle their foot. So shake that booty your mama gave you as much as you possibly can... or, as they say, like no-ones watching!