15 Things Londoners Take Irrationally Seriously

3 September 2014

As a people we can be quite serious. Let’s face it we are not the most whimsical bunch and whilst there is a heavy dose of sarcasm that comes with almost everything we say and do as far as taking things seriously we are pretty high up there.

So, what things do we take a little too seriously?

1. Delays

No one in the world likes a delay. However, it is a much more serious affair to a Londoner. Anything that holds us up makes us boil, from delays on the tube to someone not having their cash at the ready at Tesco's self checkout. You’re always running a bit late, you're always a bit too warm and your shoes always hurt. 

2. The Weather

Not only is the weather a constant preoccupation of the Londoner, and quite rightly as you can go underground in glorious sunshine at Green Park and emerge into hurricane Lavonia at Euston, it is also something which seems to determine the happiness of 8 million people – now that’s serious.

3. Public Transport

The ferocity with which every commuter takes to the fight for a seat or a train just two minutes earlier is enough to shake a city.

4. Queueing

As a nation of queuers who take the pastime extremely seriously and tend to complain when ‘on the continent’ that the rest of the world doesn't know how to queue, the pressure of London seems to magnify this severity. Wow betide the queue jumper during rush hour or the person who shoves ahead on the tube – we will cut you.

5. Walking On The Left

In London we walk on the left - this is a rule for life, not just for Christmas. If you are brave enough to walk up stairs or an escalator on the right in London you have some serious cajones. If you get body checked, don’t say we didn't warn you.

6. Parking

Nowhere else in the world do so many veins pop and cheeks turn purple in the war over a good parking space. Ladies and Gentleman start your engines.

7. Whole Food Market

I’m sorry did you say mecca? Why isn't there one on every corner? We love this place more than bed, and we really like bed.

8. Coffee

Whilst we do understand that Londoners take coffee slightly less seriously than the Americans that doesn’t mean that London has not fully absorbed the neurosis of coffee production. The options are extensive and the miles that Londoners are willing to travel for the perfect flat white are impressive.

9. Buzzfeed

You know what we are saying, it’s a problem, a serious problem.

10. Fashion

Whilst it is true that Londoners do not have a cohesive style in the same way that maybe the Parisians or New Yorkers do but that does not mean they do not take fashion extrHemely seriously!!

11. The Right To Object

Londoners will have a long list of behaviours that they resent so much that they would publicly object to it. To name but a few — talking loudly on your phone on public transport, eating anywhere that's not a restaurant, the night bus in general, people not moving down the carriage, people not letting people off first, bikes running the red lights — it just goes on and on. I object!

12. Dining

The dining scene in London is of itself pretty serious but the way that Londoners discuss their food and restaurant experience goes way beyond the norm. Lesson for life, do not come between a Londoner and their dinner.

13. Street Manners

What’s this up ahead? Oh sweet Jesus a tourist, bob and weave people, bob and freaking weave. There is nothing that quite grabs the goat of a London native like idiots on the wrong side of the pavement let alone THE MEANDERER.

14. Service

It must be friendly. It must be knowledgeable. And more than anything, it MUST be quick. Londoners are service snobs.

15. London

Do not talk smack on London, ever, like ever.

Ellen Modin

Ellen Modin

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