Avoid the Drunk Aunts

18 December 2015

Christmas is approaching and that means that family time is looming. While you love a good round of your nans eggnog and a mince pie or two… you know what’s impending.

The dreaded life questions. Whether you’re single or have been paired up for ages, there are always rounds of nosey inquiries that will leave you wanting to pull your hair out. Don’t worry, we’ve anticipated the problem and have your solutions mapped out.

 

Step one. Approach the day’s activity with a full glass in hand at all times.

 

Aunt Muriel asks if you’re seeing anyone

Take two very long sips of your Buck’s Fizz, before stating the truth, happily single, happily paired up. Then quickly ask her about her cats.

 

Your drunken uncle has inappropriately commented on your partner

Everyone has an inappropriate family member, how they continue to exist, we’ll never know. Knowingly make eye contact with your mum and ensure that uncle Barry remains seated at the complete opposite end of the dinner table.

 

Your nephew has ruined yet another of your expensive items

Breathe and remember that kids are kids. Fill up your glass of wine and then slyly slip your auntie the dry cleaning bill. Just saying.

 

When are you having kids?

You could literally have been single for a year, in a casual relationship or recently married. Everyone cares and has an opinion about when you are adding small additions to your insane family. There’s no easy way to break the news to your family that you actually have a baby, your new Louis Vuitton handbag.

 

Questions about your career choices

This is a fun one, and only seems to be asked about when you either a) have no job at the moment and are selling kidneys to pay your rent or b) hate your job but are desperately stuck to lie about how much you really really love working in retail. Remember that most of your family have switched jobs loads of times, or maybe aren’t working at all. Then drown your very poor sorrows in all the free booze and food available.

 

If all coping mechanisms fail, remember that you can always count on Late Night London to sort you out. Hop on the first train back into your safe haven that is London and get yourself out for a Christmas cocktail or two.

The Editor

The Editors