Drunk Alter Egos

4 February 2015

Dry January is over. HURRAH! To celebrate and to prepare ourselves getting back in the game of drinking (again, HU-FUCKIN-RRAH!) we take a look at the drunk alter egos we've hopefully left behind. Forever. Or at least until next Tuesday.

Who are you? You've got to have at least one drunk alter ego. Such are the rules of drunking...

1. Tearful Tammy

Who hasn’t at one time or another turned into an inexplicable ball of emotion tragically huddled in a corner balling about how nice everyone is being whilst clutching an empty bottle? The kicker with Tearful Tammy is where the fuck did she come from and why is she so freaking bipolar?

2. Angry Amy

For some she comes often, for others she is a sporadic visitor. But who knew you could throw down like the WWF when you wanted to? Amy did. "Wow there bitch, did you just say you don’t like Beyoncé – somebody hold my earrings."

3. Sad Suzy

That old adage that alcohol is a depressant is certainly an accurate one and sometimes its effects seem to hit a little harder. When Sad Suzy rears her head it is usually from the first drink and she won't be going anywhere. To avoid Suzy maybe don’t drink if you know you are already feeling low.

4. Belligerent Betty

On a daily basis most of us think we are right most of the time, we just do, because we are. That said, Belligerent Betty – with a couple in her – like to hammer home her points a little more forcefully than she normally would. Who hasn’t woken up with the faint suspicion that an apology is on the cards for telling someone that they were an idiot and their opinions totally invalid? Ah shucks.

5. Whining Wendy

We can all moan at times and there are always those friends that excel at whining a little more than others. However, we all have a deeply irritating whiner inside of us – Wendy – and when she is in the mood to complain ain’t no one gonna stop her.

6. Happy Holly

Occasionally the insanely Happy Holly pops up to make us feel like drinking our weight in tequila is a positive life choice that will end well for everyone. Naturally come the morning she is quickly replaced with Horribly Hanging Happy Holly, live it learn it.

7. Messy Molly

Like Happy Holly, Messy Molly makes you feel like more and more booze is an awesome idea. However, Messy Molly is much less of a class act and is likely to drag toilet paper attached to her shoe around the dance floor and will be found face down in a Dominoes box come 3am. Oh Molly, why?

8. Ugly Una

Una'a one of the worst as she may not even make it to the club. A few drinks at home and she is crying, trying on eight different outfits, putting her hair up. And then down. No one can convince Una she looks good, she feels fat, she feels ugly and she hates everyone around her for looking better than she does. When Una appears call for Dr Ben and Nurse Jerry and wish everyone a good night because you are dunzo.

9. Famished Frankie

Sometimes your hunger overrules all other emotions that you are experiencing. Seriously all of them. All you can think about after only a couple of drinks is snacks and fries – always fries.

10. Loose Lucy

Her tongue gets everywhere and she just doesn’t care. Loose Lucy often shows slightly bisexual tendencies after a bottle or two and is going to try and make out with anything in site because she is a woman on a mission – get in her way and you may get dry humped.

11. Bitchy Becky

She has made an appearance in EVERY female. Some embrace her whilst others pretend to be shocked after she has spoken. Bitchy Becky has the stank-eye for just about everyone in the room, no one is safe from her tongue lashing and most of the time she is just gonna sit there and call it as she sees it, bitch.

12. Aggressive Anita

A close cousin of Angry Amy but different in that her aggression usually turns only to males. She's all like "that shirt makes you look like a douche, you sound like a douche when you speak, only a douche does that for a living, you're a fucking douche for living".

13. Dancing Daisy

She’s a dancer, she loves to dance – she feels the rhythm in everything and if she is making an appearance she really doesn’t care what she looks like, who sees her or where she busts a move. Yes she will do the cowboy, she will ride the beat, kill the beat, bang the beat – the beat is her bitch.

The Editor

The Editors

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