Overheard On The Tube

16 June 2015

The 21 things you never thought you'd hear on the tube... Oh, London tube, you may be hell on earth at times (read: most times) but other times you're one hell of an entertaining place.

1 - "So he said to me, can you read Chinese? And I said, no, I'm Japanese! You'd think he know that, we been together six months!"

2 - Judging by his appearance and the sound of his cough, I can only assume the man next to me on the central line for 20 minutes had the plague.

Not contagious is it?

3 - "It's something vegetarians eat that doesn't have any flavour at all. Only vegetarians eat it."

Woman explaining tofu to her children.

4 - "I was wiping my bum for so long this morning."

5 - Oh I do love a backpack. Especially back and forth in my face for 15 minutes.

6 - "I bang one out a lot. At least 5 times a week."

They were talking about workouts at the gym...but, you know, I still laughed.

7 - "Vancouver is my favourite city in the world. There are so many fit birds there! And they're all really easy."

8 - Oh dear, Sir, you seem to have confused my back with some kind of newspaper rest, put there to facilitate your reading during rush hour.

9 - "You're not the only Argentinian person in the world though."



10 - "Is she from wealth?"

"No, she's from Bristol."

11 - People with suitcases:

"It's 9.40. How did that happen?"

"It's because the flight was delayed."

"No it wasn't!"

"It was half an hour late on a 2 hour flight!"

"That's on time for Ryan Air!"

12 - Posh girl: "Err, it was disgusting! Her shoes were from PRIMARK!"

Posh friend laughs.

Girl next to them slyly moves Primark bag with shoes poking out of it away.

13 - "Sometimes I think I like him and sometimes I think I hate him. Basically, the sex is good. The rest of the time he's an idiot."

14 - "Australia's biggest problem is that it's such a sporty country there are too many PE teachers."

Definitely Australia's biggest problem.

15 - "This is a customer announcement. Could passengers please be careful of the uneven surfaces on platform 2. This is due to recently completed improvement works."

16 - Husband and wife (presumably) standing on crowded rush-hour tube.

Wife to husband: "This is the most sexual content we've had in 8 years!"

17 - "We'll cook breakfast back at mine."

"What have you got?"


18 - Son : "I saw it with Amy"

Dad: "Who's Amy, your girlfriend?"

Son: "Errrrrrr, no. Have you got a girlfriend?"

Dad: "Your Mum's my girlfriend."

Son: "Your Mum is your girlfriend??"

Dad: "No, YOUR Mum is my girlfriend."

Son: "Errrrr, Dad, don't even say that."

Dad: "Why?"

Son: "I love my Mum, but I hate girlfriends!"

19 - "I really wanna live in Australia"

"Oh, it's really difficult to get a Visa, you know"

"What's that?"

Something tells me you haven't thought this plan through....

20 - Teenagers' deep and meaningful: "I really wanna work in an office. Cos I wanna wear office clothes."

21 - "When was the last time you had any fruit or veg?"

...long pause...

"I had some baked beans two days ago"

The Editor

The Editors

You May Also Like

The Best of the Best Outdoor Venues

Read More >

Madrid – Atletico or Real?

Read More >

6 ways to beat the London heat

Read More >